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I Love You, Go Away

I love you, go away

I initially jotted down the title and concept for this post back in December. I was tired, and still in newborn land, and Henry was super clingy, and Ryan and I hosted about a million parties that month, and I just wanted five minutes to myself. Cut to now — Maggie’s getting bigger, Henry’s in a daddy phase, both kids are finally not sick, and Ryan and I have barely looked each other in the eyes for the last month. So suffice it to say my current sentiment is less “I love you, go away” and more “please come give me all the snuggles.” But it definitely isn’t always this way.

Sometimes as a wife and mom I feel like there’s a constant stream (perhaps barrage would be a more appropriate term?) of stimuli. And a never-ending list of requests that only moms for some reason can fulfill. Mommy tell me that butterfly story – honey where are my shoes – did you already nurse the baby – how to you get barf out of clothing – may I please have another pancake – I can’t find my fire truck – mommy I wanna sit on your lap. And I love looooooove these three creatures I live with but DANGIT some days I want to tell them to figure it all out and let me brush my teeth in peace. I love you, go away.

I don’t know where the peanut butter is, maybe check the cabinet where we have kept it for the last 5 years. I love you, go away.

No I cannot build you another tower because you knocked over the previous 14 towers that I made for you. I love you, go away.

Yes I know you are cold but I’ve had a toddler and an infant hanging off of me all day and I need some personal space so this half of the couch is mine please. I love you, go away.

Okay, so that last one made me laugh. But truly! There are days when I feel that way. And I hope I’m not hanging myself out to dry by saying this, and that there are some of you out there who feel the same. It isn’t even exclusive to moms — there were times when it was just Ryan and I that I just needed a recharge by myself. Maybe it’s that whole introverted-extrovert thing (INFJ, anyone?), or maybe it’s just a human thing. Sometimes we need to take time by ourselves and that’s totally natural. It’s like I was saying here, I feel I’m at my best for my family when I take a few minutes to myself.

All of this being said, one of my goals as a mom is to not wish any moments away. I know all too well that these babes will be off to college in the blink of an eye and I’ll be aching for the days when Henry would want me to build that 15th tower. And as a wife, I’ve been trying to dig a little deeper lately and find kindness and love where on the surface it may feel like there’s only impatience. But I’m also taking it easy on myself and trying not to feel guilty when I have a moment that I’d love to lock myself in a room and just read a book for a while.

Make me feel normal, guys. Do you ever get to this point? Are there things that your partner or kids do that make you want to lock yourself in your own room just to get a second alone? xoxo

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11 thoughts on “I Love You, Go Away

  1. I’m ENFJ and I still need time to get away… which pretty much happens never, but a mama/wife can dream! Actually, I just posted to IG stories that it was quiet in my house with no one around me (only one more hour of that) but sometimes that’s all you need. Just one hour!! 😉

  2. I’m an INFP, and NO, you’re not alone in this! I have a 14 month-old and another babe on the way, due in July. there are times, even when my husband is trying to be helpful, where I definitely feel the “I love you; go away” sentiment! he’ll offer to take the baby for a walk, but he’ll ask me to get her bundled up first, and feed her, and fill her sippy cup with water, oh, and he misplaced one of her mittens, and he doesn’t know where he left his hat, have i seen it? and please while he’s gone can i work on that graphic design file for him? if he did all of those things for me so i could just walk out the door with the baby, i’d be set! “i love you; go on a walk by yourself! you’re not really helping!” haha, oh man. but i love him all the same. it IS important to take time for self care, even if it’s only a little bit here and there! we all need it. 🙂 thanks for sharing your experiences and being honest and open!

  3. YES! You are not alone! My husband bought me a one night hotel stay SOLO for Christmas and it was the best gift I’ve ever gotten. I feel ya girl.

    1. I’d actually want him to GTFO and take the damn dog with him so I can order pizza and be alone with Amazon Prime.

  4. So not alone! After work, I CRAVE to be alone, put on my TV show, have some food and just not talk to anyone. And I think that’s normal, especially if you are engaged with people all day. One needs to be able to have time to process things on his/her own.

  5. I absolutely and completely needed to read this today. Thank you for writing this down. My son is 2.5 years and my daughter is 2.5 weeks, and I am absolutely head-over-heels-in-love with them. But, I am also dying for just a moment to myself. I don’t think I felt this way when my son was born, but right now I feel pulled in so many directions…and not enough for anyone who needs me. My husband normally works 2 weeks on/2 weeks off, but he is home now for 10 weeks; I watch him holding his new daughter and I fall more and more in love with him every day. But at the same time, as guilty as I feel, sometimes I just want all three of them to go for a walk and leave me on the couch with my cup of coffee.

    1. Absolutely, doll. And you deserve that time! Even if it’s just for 30 minutes of quiet where no babies are hanging off of you. This last Christmas, Maggie was about 2 months old, and when Ryan asked me what I wanted for a gift my answer was “alone time.” And I was dead serious! Haha!