I Love You, Go Away

I love you, go away

I initially jotted down the title and concept for this post back in December. I was tired, and still in newborn land, and Henry was super clingy, and Ryan and I hosted about a million parties that month, and I just wanted five minutes to myself. Cut to now — Maggie’s getting bigger, Henry’s in a daddy phase, both kids are finally not sick, and Ryan and I have barely looked each other in the eyes for the last month. So suffice it to say my current sentiment is less “I love you, go away” and more “please come give me all the snuggles.” But it definitely isn’t always this way.

Sometimes as a wife and mom I feel like there’s a constant stream (perhaps barrage would be a more appropriate term?) of stimuli. And a never-ending list of requests that only moms for some reason can fulfill. Mommy tell me that butterfly story – honey where are my shoes – did you already nurse the baby – how to you get barf out of clothing – may I please have another pancake – I can’t find my fire truck – mommy I wanna sit on your lap. And I love looooooove these three creatures I live with but DANGIT some days I want to tell them to figure it all out and let me brush my teeth in peace. I love you, go away.

I don’t know where the peanut butter is, maybe check the cabinet where we have kept it for the last 5 years. I love you, go away.

No I cannot build you another tower because you knocked over the previous 14 towers that I made for you. I love you, go away.

Yes I know you are cold but I’ve had a toddler and an infant hanging off of me all day and I need some personal space so this half of the couch is mine please. I love you, go away.

Okay, so that last one made me laugh. But truly! There are days when I feel that way. And I hope I’m not hanging myself out to dry by saying this, and that there are some of you out there who feel the same. It isn’t even exclusive to moms — there were times when it was just Ryan and I that I just needed a recharge by myself. Maybe it’s that whole introverted-extrovert thing (INFJ, anyone?), or maybe it’s just a human thing. Sometimes we need to take time by ourselves and that’s totally natural. It’s like I was saying here, I feel I’m at my best for my family when I take a few minutes to myself.

All of this being said, one of my goals as a mom is to not wish any moments away. I know all too well that these babes will be off to college in the blink of an eye and I’ll be aching for the days when Henry would want me to build that 15th tower. And as a wife, I’ve been trying to dig a little deeper lately and find kindness and love where on the surface it may feel like there’s only impatience. But I’m also taking it easy on myself and trying not to feel guilty when I have a moment that I’d love to lock myself in a room and just read a book for a while.

Make me feel normal, guys. Do you ever get to this point? Are there things that your partner or kids do that make you want to lock yourself in your own room just to get a second alone? xoxo

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