Photos by Smilebooth
For the last couple of years, Mr. Lovely and I have had chats in December about how we want the coming year to be. Whether it’s goals for our businesses, or our individual lives, or our life together, we just toss things around and it’s kind of awesome to check in with each other that way. And talking to each other sometimes even helps us realize things that we individually wanted but weren’t able to pinpoint.
So this year, we decided to set a few goals for our marriage about how we deal with things that come along in the day-to-day. None of these things are changeable overnight, but they’re things that we sometimes struggle with and hopefully will get smoothed out as time goes on. After all, a relationship ain’t worth nothin’ but the hard work you put into it.
Be confident that things are just plain good. Sometimes Mr. Lovely and I get into this cycle of checking in with each other to make sure the other one is okay. Like, when absolutely nothing is wrong. It’s like we’re expecting something to be bad or off, when really nothing is. So we’re working on just letting things be good, and not worrying if something is about to go wrong.
Untie our happiness from food and drink. You know the freshman 15? Yeah, that, but in marriage. Not that I’ve gained 15 pounds or anything, but suddenly we find ourselves celebrating together by eating or drinking, and that adds up right quick. So we’re trying to find other things to do together and other ways to celebrate.
Only take on your own stress. Sometimes Mr. Lovely and I are almost too empathetic towards each other. When he’s stressed, it feels like there’s a raincloud over my day, and vice versa. I always just wish I could make everything good for him (I’ve always been a fixer), but I just can’t. So we’re both trying to trust the other one to be able to deal effectively with our stresses.
Reach across the aisle on household duties. (How’s that for a political analogy?!) I’ve said it before: Mr. Lovely cooks and I clean. But sometimes he’s tired of making dinner and sometimes I wish he would just learn how to scrub a sink. So we’ll be making more of an effort to take part in what we consider the “other one’s” chores.
Do you ever set goals with your partner for your relationship? I’d love to hear if you do! I kind of find it fascinating to know if other people struggle with similar or different challenges, and how different folks deal with things. Leave a comment and tell me your together goals! xoxo