i had the weirdest dream last night. in my dream, i had never quit my teaching job — i had just been taking vacation and sick days for the last two years. i got a call from the principal, saying that i was out of vacation days and needed to come back and teach the last two weeks of school, despite the fact that i hadn’t worked with the kids in two years and they had multiple concerts and finals coming up. so i went back to teach and found that i was pretty excited to be there; i missed the kids and the music, and it was nice to be back. what i found, though, was a childhood friend from elementary school with her new baby in a portable trailer classroom, and a bunch of sullen choir kids, all of whom i knew to be the most upbeat, positive, wonderful people i had ever come in contact with. i started to organize things and then i woke up.
such a control freak! i mean, of course i miss my students with all of my heart, but i know i’m in the right place for me at this point in my life. but even in my dreams, i’m trying to keep things at downey the way i knew them to be. in a strange way, i kind of enjoyed the dream, because it reminded me that that part of me is still there. when you’re a performer at my level, your job is to do what everyone tells you to do — hit this mark, sing the note this way, get on this bus and go to this city. i miss the part of teaching where i created experiences for other people, and was fully in charge of those experiences. when you get down to it, i suppose both careers are about creating experiences for an “audience,” but in two entirely different ways. hoping someday i’ll find the middle ground!