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Married Life // Who Does What?

Marriage Roles

Image by Mary Evans.

If you’re married or living with your partner, how long did it take you to fall into a routine of who did which jobs around the house? Mr. Lovely and I have been together for a while now, and looking back at the beginning, I can’t really remember if we ever actually talked about it. Things just sort of fell into place.

I’m really great at cleaning. And even though I don’t love it, I like the result that it produces. And I scrub a mean sink, I’m just saying. I remember asking Mr. Lovely to scrub the bathroom one time and he looked at me like I had just asked him to solve the world’s largest Rubiks Cube. He really didn’t know how to do it. I’ll be scrubbing down the shower and ask him to bring me a sponge and he’ll show up with a toothbrush. No joke.

But! That kid can cook anything! I mean anything. Like, cornish game hen anything. And I have trouble not burning the toast. So a long time ago, things just shook out that he’d cook dinner and I’d do the dishes. And most of the time it works out that way, and I’m happy with it.

He gets the mail, I make the bed. He makes our house a tech heaven, and I make it smell like chocolate chip cookies. He builds the Ikea furniture, and I put it in just the right spot so our apartment is awesome.

Sometimes, to be honest, I feel like I don’t do enough. I feel like I rely on him far too much, and that he takes on the bulk of the work. Because he’s a fixer. But looking back, I remember days and weeks of me, DIYing my fingers to the bone and styling my heart out when we moved into our new place, and I remember that I made us a beautiful home to live in. And I feel a little better.

I guess there’s always room to strive to do more and do better for each other. But truth be told, we’ve fallen into a routine that’s comfortable for us both. So where do you stand? Does your household have a routine? Are you happy with it? I’d love to hear. xoxo

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10 thoughts on “Married Life // Who Does What?

  1. Our roles are so 1950’s! I do all the cooking, planning, and pretty making and my husband does the cleaning, back massaging and fixing. Works pretty well for us! Until there’s no fixing to do and plenty of parties to plan for! 🙂

  2. I’m not married, but my boyfriend and I have our roles in our apartment. We both love to cook and make weekly menus filled with things one or the other of us wants to try cooking. Depending on who suggests what, that person cooks their meal and the other usually cleans the dishes. He’s definitely the better bathroom cleaner while my specialty is the kitchen and all the picking up of things. It’s interesting how these things just sort of happen without having to think about them, which I don’t remember being the case (at all!) with roommates.

    1. Oh gosh, the roommate thing is an entirely different situation! I remember trying to figure it out in college and writing jobs on a whiteboard in the kitchen. My poor roommates! Haha!

  3. Right now, our roles are very uneven. My husband is a student in a very demanding program (he is usually at school for 14 hours a day, and then has a few more hours of studying to do once he finally gets home). I work full time, and then come home and do most of the cooking and cleaning, simply because I am only at work 8 or so hours a day. I just have more time right now. B expresses his guilt all the time that I do so much more in maintaining our household, but right now, this is what works and what we need. That being said, B does most of the dishes, and does a lot more during school breaks (it was bliss during his winter break because I could come home and we could hang out and the apartment was already clean). I will probably always do the laundry because he just does it wrong! 🙂

    It’s an ongoing process for sure. Once we are both employed, or we add children to our family, or any of the millions of things that change time restraints, we’ll have to figure it out again. And again. And again.

    1. Rachel, I think you’re totally right. Things change and as partners, someone has to pick up the slack. One of the beautiful things about marriage! You learn to roll with the punches and be there for each other in whatever way is needed.

  4. Same as yours! My boyfriend loves to cook and while I’m not terrible at it, I rather do the dishes. I do love baking though so that’s my strong point. He usually sweeps and mops and I pick up things and put them back in their place. We usually try to do chores at the same time and then relax at the same time. We take turns doing laundry and such.

  5. I’m with you. My husband is a pretty good cook & actually enjoys it. If it were up to me, I’d eat string cheese & pickles for dinner every night & call it done.

    But I do feel pretty terrible about it… It certainly feels like I’m not pulling my own weight from time to time. Then I remember that he is a terrible baker, gift wrapper, & cat poop scooper…& I feel much better about the situation. 😉

  6. Well in our house I do 95% of everything. My husband is military and is gone a lot (either deployment or training) so I always do everything.

  7. I’m getting married in April and though we don’t live together yet. I often cook at his place a couple times a week and we’ve gotten into a little rhythm, but I’m a little nervous to see what will happen once we are living together.

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