Married Life // Making Friends

Married Life // Making Friends

It’s so easy to make friends when you’re little. Right? I mean, you just go up to the closest foursquare court on the playground and ask to play next. Then you grow up a little more and in college you’re tossed in with everybody else in your major and you have a built-in social group. But what about after school is over and you get married and you’re in the real world? How do you find friends?

Mr. Lovely and I are pals. I mean, best buddies. And it’s so amazing to be married to your best friend and get to be friends and be in love. Really, it’s insanely wonderful. We come as a pair and love to spend time together. But also, I think it’s healthy for the two people in a relationship to have outside activities and especially outside friends. I think we all need a network of support that should extend beyond our significant others, yeah?

Our situation is a little weird, in that we’ve tackled two major moves during our marriage, from NYC to LA and now to Central California. And each time, we left behind a group of friends that we were incredibly sad to part with. So now we’ve got plenty of friends, but they just happen to be scattered all over the United States. And in our new town, we’re finding that as a married couple with a little dude it’s not as easy to find pals as it was when we were young and footloose and fancy free. Also, I think that the older you get, the fewer people there are in your age demographic who are open to new friendships. Lots of people our age who live in town are kind of set for friends, they have a routine, and there’s just not a lot of room for adding more to the mix. Which I totally understand. So where the heck do you make friends?!

We’ve literally started hitting on people to be our friends while we’re out in the world. No joke, we spotted a couple in our favorite taqueria with a baby who looked similar in age to Henry, and we walked right up and asked if they ever wanted to hang out. Now they’re some of our good buddies. But putting yourself out there like that can be intimidating and tiring, and it’s easy to just fall back into the insular routine of hanging out with your spouse or partner because it’s the path of least resistance.

Nevertheless, we’re always striving to meet new people; not just to have things to do, but because people are awesome. Every time I meet someone new I am grateful to have another person and point of view to broaden my world a little bit. So I’d love to know your take on this one! Have you experienced the same thing? Where do you meet new friends as a grownup? xoxo

26 thoughts on “Married Life // Making Friends”

  1. My baby goes to physical therapy weekely and I saw a new mom in the office one day, and then that same day I saw her outside of the dollar store, her kids are the same ages as mine and I setup a playgroup right then and there. Totally out of my comfort zone but it happened haha. I also find it kind of easy to make friends at church too, but they can also be set in their ways, and their routines, and it’s hard to fit in the new people sometimes. That’s been our experience when we moved to Atlanta this year.

  2. Speaking as someone without a baby as a friendship peace offering by which to approach strangers, I met a great circle of girls at the gym. Since CrossFit is class-based, I see the same folks every day at 530 am, unlike Planet Fitness where you might not see the same people or they all have headphones and look at you like you’re going to stab them if you try to chat. I’m moving and have to quit my gym and leave my pals behind (DEVASTATED) and I’m not joining a new one just yet. No idea where to begin finding pals! Stand on the sidewalk with a sign that says “Will hang out for washi”?

  3. My husband and I are making the same move from Brooklyn to LA. We plan on taking Lindy Hop / Swing Dance classes to gain new friends in Los Angeles. We gain tons on friends in the Brooklyn area taking these classes. But if you are looking to gain friends not as as a couple, I usually gain friends at work, yoga class or volunteering 🙂

  4. Hi – two lovely things to say to you lovely guys! First, (you won’t want to hear this one!) if you get a sweet little non-shedding adorable dog and walk her every day, you will meet TONS. OF. NEW. FRIENDS. It shocked me how many new friends I have in our new suburb (in Sydney Australia) because of the dog 🙂 The other great resource has been our fitness-in-the-park group. Ours meets at 9:30am with childcare and we literally sound like a group of magpies…we have so much fun. You seem to like healthy stuff, so that might be cool for you and Henry, or all three of you. My BFHubby and go to fitness together.

    And the other thing I needed to tell you is UKULELES!! Because of you, I bought 4 for our family, hung them as part of our kitchen gallery wall by our table, and we’re ALL learning to play. So now we grab a Uke every time we sit down to eat. It’s hilarious. And so fun. And my 15 year old is like….can you play ANYTHING other than Jason Mraz? And right now I can’t, but that’s okay. My son has played cello for 10 years so I get his eye rolling but we all have so much fun. Thanks, Chelsea. I don’t even know you or your young family, but you’ve been a bit of a life changer for us — down under in Sydney — and I really appreciate it. Keep on with all your crazy fun blog stuff, ok? Everybody needs to know someone like you!

    1. Oh. My. Gosh. Your comment just totally made my day! Truly, I got a little teary-eyed reading about your sweet family and the new uke tradition. I’m so honored to be even a teeny part of your life. And I would love — LOVE — if you’d send a photo of your family getting their ukulele on. 😉

  5. i made some new friends recently at prenatal yoga! and now we hang out with our babies sometimes. i was told that once kids start school you become friends with the other parents so that’s something to look forward to 🙂

    also baby music class, met nice people there too.

  6. Get.Out.of.My.Head!!!

    I identified so much with your post! My husband is introverted and I am the opposite. I moved an hour and a half away from my family and friends (not too far but just enough to not see everyone as much) and I have made friends through work, going into local shops, and chatting with regulars that come into the restaurant I work at, for a second job. And truly I do sometimes just ask these people if they want to hang out! I miss my friends so much that I reach out to people and I have made some friends that way! Crazy how it works…I’ve heard getting a dog does help too and that play dates with other people’s kids will widen your circle. Finding a local group that you want to participate in, etc…But not having a dog or child yet, I’ll have to keep being that extroverted weirdo that asks to be your friend 😉

    1. I think it’s so fantastic that you just ask! I don’t think enough people do that! I think there are probably lots of friendship opportunities missed when people are too shy or hesitant to just come right out and say hello. 🙂

  7. Yes to everything you said. I was just chatting about this with a friend that lives several hours away. Why must all my mommy friends be so far away? Connecting when you’re older AND with baby is tough. If your family makes a move to central Florida we will be your besties. 😉

  8. I wish I had a baby or a dog to help me make friends! I’m still struggling almost two years after moving to Brooklyn because I can’t work yet. I volunteer but haven’t made any friends that way, everyone seems to be much older or much younger there. I’m thinking about taking up some kind of class!

    1. I think a class would be a great idea! Brooklyn can be a tough spot too — I lived there for a year and I always felt like there were pockets of people my age but they already ran in crowds that were hard to break into.

  9. I know what you mean, we’re not married but I’m at an age where everyone is! And with all my friends being guys, the wives generally don’t like me. I’ve met people similar aged to me, but they’re at the nesting stage and 20+ weddings a year. I find people say/imply they have enough friends/people in their lives. The therapist suggested meet-up groups. But I think for me it’s more than just meeting people, I don’t connect with them, or rarely do. But then the wife is almost always a problem.

  10. OMG this is so funny! me and my friends talked about how after we get married that we have to “date” other couples. and sometimes we are worried because people to call us back for a second date! ahahah i love this!

  11. Friendr?? Lol!
    But seriously, we just moved to Sacramento and I haven’t started working yet. Dustin works at a small company so there are only two guys his age there. We are currently friendless here.
    We’ve been meaning to get to our neighborhood doggie play time, but we keep missing it. And it also seems that because most everyone in our neighborhood owns their houses, they’re all just a little bit older than us.
    We’re hoping to get to a few events for Sac Cocktail Week and hopefully meet people there!! And you know, cocktails 😉
    Abby

  12. Amen!! I keep joking (sorta) that there needs to be a match.com for making friends as adults (especially as non parents). My hubby and I have lived in the same town for 4.5 years and aside from being friendly with neighbors, we know zero people in our town, A few friends in town we did have moved away :(. We’re 15 miles outside Boston, so most of the social networking events are centered there and our close group of friends lives about 45 min away. Is it too much to ask for someone nearby for the impromptu coffee trip? If anyone has any great ideas, I’d love to hear them!

  13. I’m a little jealous that you had the guts to talk to that couple. That’s way outside my comfort zone! My husband would do that though. He found out an old acquaintance and his wife had a baby 3 days after we did and decided they should be our new best friends. He called them out of the blue and invited them for dinner!

  14. I know I’m late at this but I’ve met the best mom/couple friends at workouts! It was so hard to find mom friends in the first few months because I think everyone else was still hibernating! A and I were out and ready to mingle. Now we’ve totally found our way and it couldn’t be better.

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