Married Life // Looking Good

wedding-car-palm-trees-bride-groom

Before we start, can we just acknowledge that we looked like absolute children on our wedding day? Geez when did I get so old?!

Something tells me this one might get some strong opinions in the comments, and I’m all for that. But it’s been on my mind lately so I want to know your thoughts. Here’s the deal. I’m pretty sure Mr. Lovely would love me regardless of the way that I look. Fat, thin, bald, cross-eyed — whatever. And vice versa. I would love him if all of his teeth fell out and he singed his eyebrows off in a terrible grilling accident. For sure.

But! Here I am, post baby, scrapping to get my body back the way that I like it. And one hundred percent truthfully, I am working out and watching what I eat because I want to. I feel better when I’m healthy and keeping it right. But also, it’s a fact that I want my husband to think I’m looking good. I guess my question for you guys is this: Do you think we owe it to our spouses to try to keep looking as fly as we did on our wedding day?

My answer is a wholehearted yes. And that’s where I think I might rile some people up. Of course we should all love each other regardless of our outer appearance. Of course. But also, I feel like when I’m working on my health and fitness it’s also a gift I’m giving Mr. Lovely. The gift of self care, and the fact that it makes me feel better. The fact that when I do my makeup or hair or actually put on clothes, I feel like a better, stronger, more on-top-of-it version of myself. And what’s wrong with feeling that way, and giving that as a gift to the person you married?

Do you know that song, Wives and Lovers? It’s so antiquated and kind of crazy. The first lyrics are, “Hey, little girl, comb your hair, fix your makeup. Soon he will open the door. Don’t think because there’s a ring on your finger you needn’t try any more.” What?! Crazy, right? I remember being in high school and listening to that song and being pissed. Because, ya know, feminism and all that. But now I kiiiiind of get what Burt Bacharach was saying (in a really misguided way). It’s so easy to get married and have a baby and forget to wash your hair one day and suddenly you don’t wear anything but sweatpants and you find yourself looking in the mirror like “Who is this?!” And not that I’m afraid that if I wear sweatpants Mr. Lovely is going to go running to the arms of another woman, but doesn’t he deserve a cute outfit and some lip gloss every once in a while?

Maybe I’m not expressing myself very clearly here. It feels kind of jumbled. And here’s hoping I haven’t alienated all of you lovely feminists out there. But hopefully some of you are picking up what I’m putting down. And of course I’d love to hear your opinion! If you’re in a long term relationship, do you find it important to maintain your looks for your honey? xoxo

12 thoughts on “Married Life // Looking Good”

  1. I TOTALLY get this and knew where you were going with it about 1 paragraph in 🙂

    Also love that you used the word “fly”.

    Totes agree. 10 years later I still “feel bad” if I bust out the sweatpants early and will occasionally ask Huzz if it’s ok I put them on at like, 4 pm. I know he doesn’t care but I want HIM to know that *I care.

    Being married is an investment! I go to the gym and skip the bread for myself of course but also because I promised him my life and he should get the most out of that promise. And he should do the same for me. I also feel like the best version of myself when I take care of business and really that benefits everyone…

    I don’t think it’s anti-feminist to want to look good fo’ yo’ mans. Why shouldn’t you? You’re showing your partner you still care what they think after years and years and that’s nice!

    Get it girl.

  2. I wholeheartedly agree with you. Not only does keeping up with our appearances make us feel good, but feeling good is sexy! I think husbands like happy wives and find our confidence, happiness and joy attractive. I know that when I feel good about myself, he feels like his efforts to make a happy life for us are paying off. Which makes both of us even happier.

    Could I say happy anymore in this paragraph?

  3. Hey! I totally agree with wanting/trying to keep ourselves looking/feeling as great as we can. When we like the way we look, we feel better. I’m still working on my post-baby body and my husband recently started working out a bunch. We are watching what we eat and are taking the time to cook healthier foods together. We are both happily motivated and enjoying this healthier lifestyle. We are doing for both ourselves and each other. We want to be healthy so we can live a long, healthy life together. It’s easier to be healthy than to be unhealthy. We don’t want problems that we could have easily avoided.

  4. I totally get what you’re putting down 😉 Confidence is sexy so if feeling healthy and put-together makes you feel confident, that’s going to make the man think you’re sexy.

  5. I love this post and TOTALLY agree with ya!

    I know that my husband won’t love me any less if I put on some weight or wear sweatpants.

    I love me more when I’m eating right and exercising more. When I put a little effort into my appearance, I feel more confident. When I feel better and love myself more, I know my husband will feel that too.

    Win-Win in my books 🙂

  6. I’m also totally in your team on this one! I’ve only been married for less than a year, but I had a previous long-term relationship that lasted 10 years, so I’m not new to the being in a relationship thing. I know my hubby is going to love me no matter what, but I also know our relationship is going to be much better when we both take care of each other, and give the other one little reminders of why they fell in love in the first place. And appearances are a part of that. So, for me it’s only natural to try my best at being as lovely as I was when we met.

  7. My future hubby fell in love with me while we were doing one nighters on the road, not showering regularly, definitely dressing for function over fashion, and has told me from day 1 how beautiful and sexy I am. He recently quit smoking because we want a long healthy life together. It feels great to put in a little more effort some days – it makes me feel feminine and desirable too. And it’s my way of saying thanks to him for always being so supportive of me, no matter how I look. If it’s working for your marriage, keep it up. 🙂

  8. If you want to look good for your man while you are dating, why would it make anyone angry that you want to look good for him after you marry? You also try to take good care of yourself for your children. You feel good, they feel good, everybody wins! 🙂

  9. For me, it boils down to this: You’re talking about love and attraction, which are different things. Yes, my self-esteem does not depend on my husband’s opinion. Yes, the amount of love he feels for me and I for him does not depend on our physical appearance. But our sex life?? Totally different story.

    You don’t feel the urge to kiss and seduce when your spouse has the flu, right? What you feel is a desire to take care of them and make them hot soup. In that moment you feel love, not attraction. I love my husband everyday, but I am much more likely to want to get it on when he is looking particularly good, or smells delicious, because that’s when I find him more attractive. Same goes for me.

    Seducing and being seduced is fun, and while the element of love makes it that much more awesome, the crucial ingredient for seduction to even exist, is attraction. So, yeah, I absolutely think that I owe it to my husband and to myself to try and stay attractive, unless we want a relationship where sex is not a relevant variable. Which is also very valid.

    I happen to think that sex/attraction is a massively important variable. And an empowering one at that, because honestly, there are few things that I find as thrilling as making myself super sexy (by dressing up or whatever), then waiting for him to see me and get THAT stunned look in his face. You know which look. It’s not lust, it’s something else that lets you know that right then he wants only you and has eyes only for you and is still shocked that he somehow got you. OR, when he does that to me and I cannot thank my lucky starts enough for getting him to be only mine 🙂

  10. Oh man, we have talked about this in multiple episodes and it is definitely something I think about a lot! I think especially when you are trying to continually pursue and being pursued by your spouse, then the intention is totally in the right place. There ARE a few funny exceptions that we’ve discovered (ex: for a long time I was putting on make-up right before G would get home from work and he finally told me that lipstick makes it harder for him to give me a major-kiss and would wait until I washed my face righ before bed because he likes me best with a fresh face!) but once we talk about these things it helps de-mystify the situation and encourages us to keep trying to look “fly” for each other. 😉

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