Marriage // Tips for Year Three

marriage tips for year three

I almost forgot! Our anniversary went by in such a blur I almost passed by this little post, which has become a tradition. I love looking back at another year married and realizing the lessons we’ve learned. This year has felt pretty grown-up; we’re having a baby, our businesses are a focus, and we’re in our first house together. Along the way we’ve had bumps and bruises that have both tested us and thrilled us. Here’s what we learned in year three (for years one and two, go here and here!).

Side note: I know I love to call him Mr. Lovely, but sometimes I’d rather save the extra letters and just type Ryan. So. Introducing Ryan. Ha.

Choose to Find it Funny.  It might seem sometimes like we laugh off important matters, but for us it’s a way to stay positive. There have been so many times when we’ve felt overwhelmed as a team or that we were up against something insurmountable, and one of us would make a joke that would make it feel half as scary right off the bat. When we choose to find humor in a situation, it helps us see that it might not be the end of the world after all.

Lean on Each Other. Many hands make light work, and all that jazz. Literally and figuratively. I learned this year, without a doubt, that we are stronger as a pair. We get more done, we have better ideas, we are bolder, kinder, smarter, and better in every way. When I lean on Ryan for support I know that the outcome of whatever situation we are in will be better. And I hope he thinks the same, vice versa.

Give Space. We live together, we work side by side at home, we hang out together — it’s a lot. Don’t get me wrong, we like it that way. But this year I finally started reading Ryan’s cues about when he might just need some space. Usually it’s brain space. Maybe he just needs a couple of hours of quiet while he works through something. But physical space is important, too. We never blame each other if one of us needs a little time alone.

Let it Go. I’m still working on this one, it’s one of my challenges. You know those teeny tiny things that people do that just make you crazy? Don’t call it out every time. Ryan loves to whistle. (I think I might have said this before.) But he doesn’t whistle real songs, just sequences of random notes. It actually, literally hurts my brain. But as many times as I can, I just let him whistle. Because what fun is it if someone is shutting you up or breaking you down all the time? Let the little things go.

Build Up. I feel my best when Ryan gives me words of encouragement or love or praise. From something as simple as “Thanks for getting the mail” to something bigger like “I’m proud of the work you’re doing.” I realized earlier this year that I was letting so many opportunities to build him up pass me by. So whenever we have a chance, we encourage, thank, or just recognize. It’s become important for us to build each other up.

Who else has marriage tips?! Where are you in your marriage or relationship, and what are you learning in this season? I’d love to know the things you’ve found out about making this incredible adventure work. xoxo

15 thoughts on “Marriage // Tips for Year Three”

  1. You definitely have to let the little things go, or you’ll go nuts. My guy loves to sing in the midst of talking on the phone to me. I’ve learned to just let him sing until he’s got it out of his system, then we return to our conversation. It can be very irritating though!

    Great tips!

  2. Great tips, Chels. Letting go of the little things is probably the hardest one for me at the moment, but I’m definitely working on it. And I am 100% behind the rest, especially finding the humor in things and building each other up. So important for a relationship.

  3. I love these types of posts! I was single for nearly a decade (I went on dates but had no one serious) but just marked a year with a man I love, someone I’ve known since I was young. There is a serious learning curve, so I appreciate those who have gone before me. 🙂 Happy anniversary!

  4. O.M.G. Rob whistles too! ALL THE TIME. Except the opposite of Ryan…actually whistles songs but then DENIES THE SONG.
    Him: *whistling Lady Gaga
    Me: So…a little Poker Face on your way home?
    Him: That’s not Lady Gaga! (Napoleon Dynamite-style) GOD….

  5. My guy is a total goofball – and doesn’t typically pay attention to whether he’s in public or not when he’s up to his antics! But I’ve been learning to shrug most of it off and simply embrace his quirky personality.

    1. I hear ya! Sometimes it’s the little things that add up in the way you treat each other, rather than the big pushes. Shrugging it off is probably easier said than done, but so worth it in the end. 🙂

  6. Love these marriage tips. It’s all so true. My hubs and I have encountered some hurdles this year for sure and it’s really important to remember these tips. I love him and don’t want to jack anything up, ya know? being mindful…so important!

  7. Almost two years ago we went from a regular couple each going to our places of employment to working together at home. I have to admit, as much as I loved being with him, it was quite a transition for me. Now I think we have struck a balance. After 19 years of marriage it is important to change together. We are not the same people we were when we said “I do” and neither is our relationship. Rolls have changed, our minds have changed, demographics have changed. Embracing change is a good thing. Happy anniversary and to many more!

    Janeane
    http://www.designwithj9.wordpress.com

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