married life // what changed?

Married Life

After Mr. Lovely and I got married, one of the questions we got asked the most was, “So, does it feel any different being married?” And my answer was (and still is) always yes. Completely different! But the thing is, sometimes I can’t really pinpoint the reason why.

We had been dating for two years and engaged for a third, and had been living together for most of that time. We knew how to grocery shop together, we had a routine with dishes and laundry — we had it all down pat. But still, after we got married and all of the hooplah died down, it felt different. Kind of like all of a sudden, the decisions we made were not just for one of us but for the both of us. We started looking at the future with more detail. And even things like groceries and laundry seemed a little less ordinary.

To this day, I still can’t quite put my finger on it. Maybe it’s because we made this official “forever” commitment to each other, whereas before we were committed but, really, one of us could have walked away at any time. But even that kind of only half makes sense to me. I think some of it may just be that ineffable quality that marriage has — the vast concept of committing yourself to another person for the entirety of your lifetime. That can really change the way that you think.

All I know is, one day in the grocery store, it became super, super important that I bring my husband home the right kind of apples. Because I wanted him to be happy.

By the way, if you know the magic answer, I’m all ears! What’s your experience? xoxo


10 comments

  1. Jen on said:

    Love this. I’m only 3.5 months into my marriage, but I can also agree that something shifted in a big way once we “made it official”. And I don’t really know why either.

    We’re still sorting through emotions and figuring it out as we go, but once our friends and family came together and supported and celebrated us, the tides changed and we felt the weight of the responsibility. Not only to each other, but to our families and our community of friends. They were cheering us on, and we were entirely committed to each other.. it was all a little overwhelming at first.

    I wish I had the magic answer for you! :) I’ll come back to read other’s comments later. Maybe I can pick up some tips, too.

    • chelsea on said:

      Thanks for your comments! I think you’re right about part of it being a new responsibility not only to yourselves, but to the community of people around you. When people are rooting for you (and you’re rooting for each other), you really want to succeed.

  2. Amanda on said:

    Love this Chelsea! Having been married over a year now, I too get asked this question all time (more when were just hitched, but even still, people want to know), and I also always tell them “yes”. We have been together 10 years — dated for 4, moved in together for 4, were engaged a year and a half, and now married since June 11′. But what specifically is different now that we are married? I have his last name, we are of the same name. We wear wedding bands — a visual cue that we are married. We are bonded to one another, legally, spiritually, physically, emotionally and in every other way we could be. But maybe the biggest thing, is that we promised each other that day, that we would be there for one another “forever more”, saying that to each other, in front of all the people we love and respect, changed things. We promised.

    • chelsea on said:

      So beautifully written, Amanda! This could be a whole blog post of its own! Thanks for your gorgeous comments.

      • Amanda on said:

        Thank you Chelsea! This post made me think myself right into a post of my own :)

  3. I’m completely fascinated by this post. I am actually coming up on my first year of marriage (AH!). Like you, my husband and were together for several years prior to our engagement, lived together, worked out our quirks in living together, engaged for a year and then finally made things “official.” Of course, we got the question of things felt different…but to be frank, I didn’t quite understand the question. It was funny using the word “husband” instead of “boyfriend” but otherwise…we had a groove in place already. Was that what people meant?

    I agree…the “official” part changes things. I do feel like there is an effort to keep things alive between us since I don’t want my husband to feel like I’ve become “lazy” about our relationship. Maybe that’s what people mean? Being too comfortable perhaps? I know some people might feel like the effort part of the relationship is more lax…but…I actually feel more pressure!

    Or am I still in my “honeymoon” phase of the marriage?

    • chelsea on said:

      The whole honeymoon phase thing is interesting, too — wondering if in 5 or 10 years we’d feel differently? It would be interesting to hear from people who have been married for a while!

      • I wonder the same thing about the whole ‘honeymoon phase’ especially when it comes to, well, smooching. Smooching and hugging and holding hands. Aaron and I are always so smoochy, and touchy-feely. I used to hate that when I dated other people, but with him, it felt right. But I see other people still in love yet so distant and I wonder if we will always be those people, smooching even while we are old and wrinkly. Or will the smoochiness die down and level out. I hope not. :) I like being smoochy.

  4. Kiah on said:

    That there is another person besides me that needs to be taken care of. The it is all about me, ended.

  5. Nicole on said:

    I get that question all the time! And I know what you mean about it feeling different but can’t pinpoint the reason.

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