Married Life // Overshares

overshare

So I’ve been getting lots of questions about Mr. Lovely lately, and how he feels about this here little blog series on our marriage. Some folks ask if he’s cool with what I share, or if he knows what I’m going to write about before I write it, or if he thinks it’s too much.

I always kind of think it’s funny, because I would never, ever share something that I thought he wouldn’t be cool with. It’s not like I’m just tossing our dirty laundry out into the world for everybody’s entertainment. These posts are definitely calculated, y’all. And there have been a couple of posts that I ran past him first, just to be sure that it’s not something that he wants to keep just between the two of us. And to be honest, usually he would share way more than I would! (That crazy kid.) He’s sort of an open book, which is simultaneously awesome and terrifying. Ha.

But! All of this is to say, there are definitely things that I feel are “overshares” when it comes to talking about marriage. Do you have portions of your relationship that you consider nobody else’s business? I’m sorta of the opinion that there has to be a handful of those things — otherwise, what do you have between the two of you that’s sacred and just yours? And when other folks are talking about relationships, I tend to shy away when I feel like they’re oversharing — like I’m eavesdropping on something that I shouldn’t be, whether or not they are offering up the information.

So how about you? Do you hold a few things back when you share about your relationship? Or do you let it all hang out, ugly bits and all? And I’m also kind of curious about how you feel when other people overshare. Guys! Let’s talk it out. xoxo

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15 comments

  1. Hmm….I don’t mind talking about sexy-time, which I think would be probably the biggest category. I have one friend who is…VERY open and it’s kind of nice because maybe you think you’re alone in something but then a friend opens up and they are having the same issue or experience. It’s a relief because I have ANOTHER friend who is VERY shy and bashful. When she gets married I doubt I will hear a peep from her!
    I think one thing I would never tell are things Husband is vulnerable about. Things he might be afraid of or worry about. The emotional intimacy is more sacred than the physical..especially “these days”.

  2. Oh I meant to add…it’s a relief to talk to my open friend because I think if I even said one sentence to my shy friend she would just DIE. I feel like it’s one thing we can’t talk about, which kinda makes me sad.

  3. Marlene on said:

    I’m an oversharer by nature and it’s taken me quite a long time to realize when someone is uncomfortable hearing about stuff, and how to pick up on their signals if that’s the case. I’m also really bad at talking about private stuff in the open, assuming people in a crowd can’t hear me if I just talk a little quieter. Apparently this is not always the case–oops! But my boyfriend has trained me to be more cautious in that regard, and I definitely never share stuff about him/us on my blog without checking with him first. This all makes me sound like I have no social skills whatsoever–guess we all have at least one area of awkwardness, right?

    • chelsea on said:

      Haha! This is kind of funny because my husband is a loud talker in public! Sometimes I’ll have to tell him to turn it down a notch or two if we are talking about something private, and he just thinks it’s funny to see me squirm! ;)

  4. I think there are a very small handful of people who I could share some intimate details of married life with, but if it’s something that I know would make my husband super upset, I don’t. I respect him first and foremost. Luckily we don’t have a ton of issues or secrets, but I wouldn’t blog it if we did! :)

  5. Celestine on said:

    Hmm this is interesting. I’m not married but I do live with my significant other. I share things here and there but mostly slightly off tangent info. Thinking back now, I definitely have stopped reading some blogs because of the way they over share information. I think once in a while is cool but to constantly read about it – especially if it’s drama -might come off as a red flag. Then again, it is their blog and they can say whatever they want on it. Discretion is definitely key and if someone is offended by your lack of discretion, they can always choose to unsubscribe. I say do what feels right to you!

    • chelsea on said:

      Definitely, and especially in the blog world it’s crucial to remember that what you say is out there forever! The internet never forgets. ;)

  6. This is very relevant to my life since I blog about love. I sort of can’t avoid bringing in Mr. ShuGar into the convo at some point. However, Mr. ShuGar is very private and introverted. I completely respect not overly using his image and refraining from divulging too many personal details. Whenever I plan to talk about him, I always check in with him before I publish. There are many sacred things in our marriage between the two of us only. I have the most respect for that. However, you can always discuss in a broader way and people will get the gist of your message. I just love talking about love!

  7. Jessica on said:

    I was just thinking about this very thing moments before I clicked on your blog. I totally agree with you – there absolutely NEEDS to be things that are sacred and private to your relationship or else what is the point in having a marriage? I have a couple close friends who I may share struggles with and I will always tell my man that I’ve shared them. But I will also make sure that it doesn’t become a husband-bashing session. Boy, oh boy, is that dangerous.
    And when others overshare? Yup, that’s about as uncomfortable as I get. I do whatever I can to squirm away from that conversation.

    • chelsea on said:

      Agreed, one hundred percent!

  8. Kendra on said:

    When hubs and I did pre-marital counseling, one of the huge things that stuck with me was the idea that “intimacy is all that stuff that’s between just the two of you, that you don’t share or let anyone else participate in.” While it seems obvious, I think those things are sort of the point of marriage and the glue of that relationship. It’s great to have one or two really close friends who you can sort of check in with and feel safe talking to about anything, but don’t share private relationship details or those deeply intimate thoughts and dreams that your spouse shares only with you. If he can’t trust being vulnerable with you, you’re making room for distance and discord.

    • chelsea on said:

      Beautifully put! Especially “making room for distance and discord.” It’s so important to remember that we are the ones who have the control to shape our marriages, isn’t it? That’s such an incredible responsibility (and honor!).

  9. Amanda on said:

    I don’t feel like I hold things back but there are also things I don’t feel I should share. My counterpart on the blog shares everything which is her choice. I think it really depends on the type of person. Although I like to put a lot of information out there I also like to reserve some of it for just my husband and I.

  10. I haven’t posted much about marriage in the blogworld. I feel like I get weird about talking about finances. At least initiating the conversation..if someone else brings it up first I might shy away at first but will probably eventually join in.
    I like reading posts about marriage, life, relationships, even sex. I appreciate people being open and honest (with spouse’s permission of course) about what they are currently experiencing and about obstacles/things that they have overcome in their relationship. I like reading these things because sometimes marriage is really fricken hard work!! and it makes me feel better to know I am not alone. I think it’s healthy to be vulnerable and takes courage to share something that doesn’t fit the perfect on-screen lives we all work so hard to show to our readers. If someone on the interwebs can read and identify with what we post and not feel like they are the only one about to commit murder (not real murder) then I think it’s a win.

    I say talk it out!

    xoxo. LP

    • chelsea on said:

      You’re right — it’s TOTALLY hard work! And it’s comforting to know that others are dealing with similar issues, for sure.

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