marriage // tips for year one

So seriously, I can’t believe that it’s been almost a year since Mr. Lovely and I tied the knot. I really meant to write more this last year about the first year of marriage, but it just zoomed right by and here we are! But looking back, I’m starting to realize that both of us have definitely learned a few things about each other, about marriage, and about being super happy at home. Keep reading if you wanna hear my revelations and tips for having an awesome first year.

Tips for the First Year of Marriage


Exercise your Empathy Muscle. I seriously remember the moment that I realized how much more I understood about my husband if I just imagined myself in his situation. If you can empathize, suddenly a whole other world of understanding floods in and maybe misunderstandings aren’t so weighty anymore. Try putting yourself in your honey’s shoes. See what happens.

See Kindness for What It Is. I like using the little spoon. Not the big soup spoon. Ever. Mr. Lovely knows this, and sometimes still gives me a big spoon. But the point is that he gave me a spoon! That’s really sweet, right?! Now I can just sit here and eat my yogurt. He really just tries to be kind and give me what I need. So I’m trying to stop saying, “Aw, dude, the big spoon?” And just say, “Thanks, Boo.” (Yep. Sometimes I call him Boo.) Moral of the story: if the hubs tries to do something sweet, give him credit.

Do Something Extra. It sounds dumb, but surprises at home can be really awesome. Like “Surpriiiise! I did the laundry and you don’t have to.” Or “Surpriiiise! I made you a delicious beverage!” Mr. Lovely is really good at this one — I’m getting better. He usually beats me to it. But I’m trying to do more extra.

Just Say Yes. Sometimes you don’t want to do that thing that he wants to do. I don’t want to go to this store to look for a chair, because we’ve been to ten other stores today looking for chairs. But he wants to and so maybe I just say yes. And not a sulky, icky yes that clearly says “You’re a big jerk.” A yes that says, “Dude, I’m in. Let’s do this.”

Let Him Help. Sometimes, dudes just want to be dudes. Yes, you can lift that heavy thing yourself. But dudes like lifting it for you because it makes them feel dudey. (Dudey. It’s a word now.) I consider myself pretty capable and independent, and I like doing things myself. But when my husband says, “Let me do that for you,” I let him. Because who knows how long that’s gonna last?!

In any case, I know this just scratches the surface — being married is awesome, and I kind of see it as this zillion-piece jigsaw puzzle that the two of you are always working on, together. Lots of stuff to figure out and fit into place. And obviously there’s so much more! Are you married? How was your first year? I’d seriously love to hear the things you have learned and how they’ve changed you. Three cheers for wedded bliss! xoxo

 


23 comments

  1. Molly on said:

    i like the little fork and my honey the big <3

  2. Right on the spot! I’m not married with my love yet but we live under the same roof and, yes, what you’re mentioning here applies to all men worldwide! They are little boys at heart, so giving credit and letting them be the dudes is always a success ;)

    • chelsea on said:

      Giving credit is definitely crucial, Eleni. You’re so right.

  3. Tara on said:

    I think that first tip is most important, and works in nearly all relationships!

    • chelsea on said:

      So true, Tara. Friendships, family, you name it!

  4. we’ve been married 7 years this october. Probably the main thing for me reflecting on the first year–is knowing it just gets better and better. We had a fresh start in a new location our first year and it helped us become best friends. Congrats on year 1 :)

    • chelsea on said:

      That’s awesome, Julia. What a cool perspective! Congrats to you, too.

  5. Elaine Costa on said:

    Awwwww, that’s nice. :)

  6. Jenny Lane on said:

    I get married in 17 days!! Yay!!! I can’t wait and this article was brilliant in showing me what I can do to make our relationship work everyday. I am just so excited :)

    • chelsea on said:

      Congrats, Jenny! Hope you have an absolutely perfect day.

  7. I love these tips. I totally need to work on #2. Haha. I always say “You know I want the _insert whatever_!” Happy one year anniversary!

    • chelsea on said:

      It’s a tough one, right?!

  8. marlene on said:

    Great advice! My husband and I just got married last October 1, so we are now nearing a year. Major obstacle for us: time. However, sometimes limited time can be a blessing because it pushes both of us to really focus in on and appreciate everyday things like sitting down and eating dinner together, sharing a drink together, having a Saturday morning to sleep in and go to the public market. I think empathy and doing extra are two REALLY important points. Also important is setting aside DATE NIGHT!! Congrats on a year…it’s always great when you’ve married your best friend :)

    • Sterling on said:

      Yay! We got married last October 1 too :) Congrats on your anniversary coming up!

      • chelsea on said:

        Aw, ditto to you guys Sterling!

  9. Mary Holmes on said:

    Love this :) Not married until the end of this year but definitely looking forward to it. Heart you guys.

    • chelsea on said:

      Can’t want to hear your tips, Mary!

  10. Shoko on said:

    Lovely, Chelsea! Such sweet tips.

  11. Megan on said:

    I definitely learned to ask for help. Sometimes as a working woman I tried to do it all and it was easy to get angry that he wasn’t helping around the house. But the fact of the matter was that he just didn’t know. (and guys don’t notice our temper tantrums of slamming cupboards and stomping around sighing). So I learned that talking about what there is to do and trying to divide the work load makes everything so much better. We each have our strengths, right?
    Also, understanding that just because you ask for help, your man isn’t gonna drop everything and do it immediately. They have different priorities. So, discussing realistic expectations of when things should be done also helps.
    Communication is key.

    • chelsea on said:

      Absolutely. And it’s so true that sometimes dudes just don’t notice the things that women would notice!

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