I’m doing it. I’m talking about it. Stop squirming, it’s going to happen.
The other day my sister and brother-in-law suggested finances as the next topic for the Married Life column. And I actually thought it was kind of brilliant, because it’s something that no one really talks about, as it can be a touchy subject in public circles. But I definitely think there are things that we can discuss here without airing everyone’s dirty laundry! So let’s get down to it. If you’re married, how to you handle your finances?
Here’s the real deal, guys: Mr. Lovely and I don’t have a joint bank account. After we were married, absolutely nothing changed with regards to our finances. We still split our rent right down the middle. At the grocery store, we sort of take turns and it pretty much evens out. At lunch or dinner, sometimes he pays and sometimes I pay. And this works for us! I’m not really sure why — it might be because both of us were so used to managing our own finances for so long that it’s just comfortable this way.
The funny thing is that even though our finances aren’t linked, we always consult each other before making purchases anyway. Especially larger ones (although we are pretty frugal and very rarely spend a ton of money). It’s not that we are looking for permission. I just consider it our way of managing, our own little system of checks & balances. So even though our money isn’t joined, our decisions are. And while it might not stay this way forever, it works for now.
So what about you? Did your finances change once you got hitched? Do you have an unusual process for your finances? Or does it make you squirm to talk about it? I’d love to hear! xoxo
It’s here, guys! The long-awaited installment of Married Life where Mr. Lovely and I air our dirty laundry and tell you fine people what exactly drives us nuts about each other. I have to say, we sat down together to write this post and actually ended up in fits of laughter telling each other the things that make us bonkers. So at least we can laugh about it, right? Although I have to say, Mr. Lovely had a hard time coming up with the first couple of things on his list and as we went along it curiously became quite easy for him…
In any case, take a look at our lists and have a laugh. Here are a few pet peeves of mine when it comes to my darling husband:
He never wipes his crumbs off the counter.
I can never have a can of diet soda all to myself.
He can’t close a drawer or a cabinet to save his life.
If he doesn’t know the answer to something, he makes one up. And I usually believe him. And that causes problems.
He gets fixated on melodies and will whistle the same 5 or 7 notes over and over. And over.
There are at least three pairs of his shoes in the living room at all times.
And here’s the stuff that I do that drives him crazy:
I never back up my computer, and he has to deal with the fallout when things get lost.
I tend to have an extra trash bag annex, directly next to the actual trash can.
I tickle and pinch him but get extraordinarily upset when he does the same back to me.
Instead of refilling the ice cube bucket, I just take individual ice cubes out of the ice cube trays.
I always finish the ice cream without telling him so he doesn’t have an opportunity to have one last bite.
There’s glitter everywhere. All the time.
I mean, all in all it’s not that bad. Right? If the worst thing I have to deal with is sharing my soda then I probably have it pretty good. And what about you? Don’t leave me hanging here — I want to know the little things that your partner does to get under your skin. I mean, nobody’s perfect! Let’s let it all hang out. xoxo
If you’re married, or in a long-term relationship, who are your friends?
Do your friendships function in the same way that they did before you were in a relationship? I’m curious to know! When I was in high school and college, I was really awful at keeping in touch with friends when I was dating. And I regret it, big time. I had some of the best girlfriends in the whole world and I messed it up because I was more concerned with my boyfriend. I’ve sort of forgiven myself for that, but it doesn’t mean that I don’t wish it was different.
But with Mr. Lovely, it’s been a different story, in a good way. I met him when I was relatively new to NYC, and so lots of our friends are people that we met together, at the same time. And I love that. There’s also the added bonus of him introducing me to some of his awesome friends (and vice versa), and really hitting it off with them. So our friends multiplied, and that is awesome.
There’s also the whole thing of having “couple friends” and “single friends.” I mean, does that make you feel old, or what? When we hang out with our couple friends, I always love it because they get it, but it all of a sudden makes me feel like I’m on a sitcom from the ’90s. Weird.
And no matter what, there’s just nothing that takes the place of having a good old fashioned hangout with a girlfriend. A couple of my besties are married or in relationships, and we always always always make time for just the girls. I don’t know what it is, but I do know that after spending time with my good girlfriends I’m always a better version of myself.
So who are your friends? I’d love to know how your relationship has affected your friendships, and vice versa. Oh, and a big shout-out to all of my beautiful friends (all over the country) for making my life so full. xoxo
So I’ve been wanting to do a post for a while about being married and pet peeves. You know, the little things that you each do that make the other one completely bonkers. I sat down to write that post, but then I realized that it may be a little harsh, being the day before Valentine’s Day and all. So I decided to do the opposite — a little list for internet land about all the ways that Mr. Lovely is awesome. (We’ll save the pet peeves for another day — because we’ve all got ‘em, and ain’t nobody perfect.) Here we go.
He doesn’t judge me about my taste, even when I’m watching this.
He smiles for an infinite number of self photographs of the two of us.
He stands up and gives his seat when a lady enters a room.
He can figure out a solution to just about any problem you give him.
He makes stuff like this not because I ask him to, but because he likes it.
He’ll always stop to get me a chai latte.
I could go on and on but I don’t want to make you barf! But I would really love to hear a few reasons why your spouse or partner is awesome. Come on, brag a little! And then go home and tell them what you wrote about them on the internet. Let’s have a love fest! xoxo
If you’re married or living with your partner, how long did it take you to fall into a routine of who did which jobs around the house? Mr. Lovely and I have been together for a while now, and looking back at the beginning, I can’t really remember if we ever actually talked about it. Things just sort of fell into place.
I’m really great at cleaning. And even though I don’t love it, I like the result that it produces. And I scrub a mean sink, I’m just saying. I remember asking Mr. Lovely to scrub the bathroom one time and he looked at me like I had just asked him to solve the world’s largest Rubiks Cube. He really didn’t know how to do it. I’ll be scrubbing down the shower and ask him to bring me a sponge and he’ll show up with a toothbrush. No joke.
But! That kid can cook anything! I mean anything. Like, cornish game hen anything. And I have trouble not burning the toast. So a long time ago, things just shook out that he’d cook dinner and I’d do the dishes. And most of the time it works out that way, and I’m happy with it.
He gets the mail, I make the bed. He makes our house a tech heaven, and I make it smell like chocolate chip cookies. He builds the Ikea furniture, and I put it in just the right spot so our apartment is awesome.
Sometimes, to be honest, I feel like I don’t do enough. I feel like I rely on him far too much, and that he takes on the bulk of the work. Because he’s a fixer. But looking back, I remember days and weeks of me, DIYing my fingers to the bone and styling my heart out when we moved into our new place, and I remember that I made us a beautiful home to live in. And I feel a little better.
I guess there’s always room to strive to do more and do better for each other. But truth be told, we’ve fallen into a routine that’s comfortable for us both. So where do you stand? Does your household have a routine? Are you happy with it? I’d love to hear. xoxo
Just one more walk down memory lane for you! I’ve so enjoyed the conversations we’ve had here on the Married Life column. Seriously, there have been days that your comments guided me and kept me sane! And beyond that, it’s so wonderful to learn about you, your families, and your lives. If you missed them, here are a few of my favorite posts, filled with your lovely and insightful comments. Have a great weekend! xoxo
Honey, I’m Home
Tips for Year One
I am loving this Married Life column more and more, because you guys are just so smart. It’s wonderful to have such awesome readers as a sounding board for some of these relationship issues that sometimes people just don’t talk about! So let’s get into it some more.
How do you and your partner deal with the holidays? It gets tricky, doesn’t it? Especially if you both have families that want you to be there to celebrate with them. There are so many factors — do you live in the same town as both or either of your families (or are you across the country, like we have been)? Do the two families even live in the same state? Do your families have traditions that are important to you to carry on? Or maybe one or the other family doesn’t even really celebrate the holidays.
I suppose my opinion is that when two people get married, the holidays are theirs to choose what to do with. So I guess the bottom line is that you and your spouse are on the same page with where to go and what to make a priority. For the last two Thanksgivings before this one, Mr. Lovely and I stayed in NYC, once celebrating with friends and once just by ourselves. And while we missed our families, I really enjoyed both of those holidays. This year we had Thanksgiving in September with his family in Denver, because everybody happened to be in town at the same time. For Christmas, my family has some pretty major traditions, so we usually end up there. We are kind of feeling things out as we go, and that’s the best we can do.
What I do know for sure is that it’s just plain painful when traditions change, especially for schmaltzy old sentimentals like me. But there’s no way around that. People grow up, get married, have babies, and need to start making their own traditions. I mean, how else does a tradition get started than to just start? But I think that’s why families get so tricky around the holidays — everyone just wants to hang on to the traditions that they know.
So what about you? Where do you head for the holidays, and how do you deal with two sets of family? Are you starting any new traditions? xoxo